With Love Comes Pain
by Divawannabe24
Summary: Jon Baker has found the lady of his dreams but will he lose her in a shootout before he can ask her to marry him?
1. Chapter 1

"With Love Comes Pain."

A/N: This is a challenge for the 7 Mary 4 and Others forum. Pain was my word for this contest. Shawna is my OC and she will be around a lot. This will be an Emergency crossover. Please enjoy.

One year earlier:

Officers Jon Baker and Frank Poncherello walked into the briefing room and it was at that moment Jon's life would change. The gang was standing at the back of the briefing room watching Sgt. Joe Getraer talking with the female lieutenant. Joe must've said something funny because she laughed and then chewed on her lower lip. Jon thought it was adorable and he was hooked.

"Guys, who's the new lady with Getraer?" Ponch asked.

"I've heard she's taking over for the sergeant and he's leaving the department," Officer Bonnie Clark replied calmly.

"I've heard she's here on a fact finding slash head hunting mission," Officer Jeb Turner replied.

"Well, you all are wrong," Harlan Arliss told them as he walked into the back of the room.

"Really? Come on Harlan what do you know?" Jon asked the head mechanic of the Central Division.

"I know she's a transfer from the San Francisco Division, she's a single mother, and she takes really good care of her patrol car, even though she's a K-9 officer," he responded proudly.

"And just how do you know all of this, Harlan?" Officer Barry 'Bear' Baricza asked the man.

"Because, I asked her point blank this morning when she pulled up to the garage. I asked her for her car keys so I could double check her cruiser and then I asked her some personal questions," he said smiling.

"Joe, I think we're being talked about in the back of the room," Shawna told her friend, "or shall I say I'm being talked about."

"Then let's get this briefing done so I can introduce you and Charlie. And don't worry, they don't bite," he said smiling at her. About that time, Harlan walked up and handed her the keys to her cruiser.

"Lt. Williams, I wish everyone else took as good care of their vehicles as you seem to do. I was impressed with what I saw."

"Thank you Harlan. Since I have a dog riding with me, I tend to take extra care of the cruiser. Do I have to ask what the topic of their conversation is back there?" she asked and nodded to the back of the room.

"Why you of course. I told them what I knew about you from our chat this morning."

"Thank you Harlan."

"Anytime lieutenant," he told her and then left heading back to the garage.

Present day on the 405 Freeway.

"Earth to Baker. Hey Baker, you thinking of a particular lady?" Ponch asked as they were riding the freeways that morning and flashed his partner his 1000 watt smile.

"What?" Jon asked as they pulled their motors over to the side of the road to watch traffic.

"I asked if you were thinking about a particular lady this morning?"

"Yeah, I was. Can you believe today makes one year since she came to Central?"

"And one year since she stole your heart."

"Aw, come on Ponch. Shawna didn't steal my heart."

"Really Baker? I saw how you looked at her when we walked into briefing that morning. And then two months later you asked her out and you've been a goner ever since." Jon gave Ponch a sideways glance but didn't say anything. "Hey, don't get me wrong partner, she's a very attractive lady but remember with love comes pain and I just don't want to see you get hurt. I know you've been dating for 10 months but she out ranks you and she's a single mother."

"Ponch, she's a terrific woman. She's smart, caring, charming and attractive. Shawna's a great mother and Tommy is a very respectable kid. You've been around him and seen how he acts. And Shawna has never pulled the "rank" card with me at all since we've been seeing each other," he told his friend as he made air quotes when he said rank.

"I agree with you partner but I just don't want to see you get hurt. I know the pain which can come with a breakup first hand. I thought Susan was the one and then she left and went back to Atlanta to her old boyfriend and leaving me high and dry last year."

"And as I recall, Shawna was there also and we both helped you after Susan left. She even covered your shifts until you felt like coming back to work. Ponch, if I get hurt I get hurt. It's part of life and being in love. And I do love her and Tommy." Suddenly their radios came alive with all kinds of commotion.

"Attention all units, this is 7 Mary S6," Shawna's voice came over the radio, "I'm in pursuit of a pair of 211 suspects. They are driving a 1988 dark grey Chevrolet Camaro, California license 8 David Charlie 9 0 Henry Ida (8DC90HI). Shots fired. Proceed with caution. I'm on La Cienega Blvd heading toward Florence Ave."

"S6, this is 7 Mary 3 and 4. We are the 405 near the 105 and will head toward Lennox."

"10-4." They heard a shot ring out over the radio.

"S6, this is 7 Charles and I'm on S Van Ness Ave heading toward Florence." Bonnie responded.

Shawna was hopping to end the pursuit soon before anyone got hurt. She never liked a pursuit which ended with people getting hurt. Suddenly the guys turned onto E Florence Ave and a few minutes later they turned into the Inglewood Park Cemetery. This was the one day she wished she had Charlie with her once she got stopped because he was good at getting behind the bad guys and helping to capture them. Unfortunately he was at the vet's office under observation after being injured in the line of duty.

"All units, suspects are in the Inglewood Park Cemetery. Once again, proceed with caution." The suspects saw Bonnie had the entrance blocked as they were going to exit, they turned and went a different way, slid sideways to a stop and both of them exited the vehicle with guns drawn and fired at both Shawna and Bonnie. "This is S6 and I'm near the Cascade Gardens section of the cemetery," she told the other officers and then she spoke to the suspects, "We have the place surrounded, throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up," Shawna called out over the microphone in the car.

"No way cop. I'm not going back to the pen," one of the men shouted back.

"You have no choice and right now you're just making things worse." Suddenly she and Bonnie were both bombarded with gun fire again and this time Shawna took two bullets to the chest. Jon and Ponch came into the cemetery and heard the barrage of gun fire and were wondering if anyone was hurt. Shawna had always heard people say your life flashes before your eyes when you get hurt and she never believed it until now. The two faces which flashed through mind were Tommy and Jon. She wondered how they would handle her death and then the pain took over and her world started to turn black.


	2. Chapter 2

"With Love Comes Pain!"

A/N: This is part of the CHIPS challenge. My word is pain. Emergency characters will make an appearance.

"S6 and 7 Charles, this is 7 Mary 3 and 4 and we are in the cemetery. Do you copy?" Jon asked over the radio.

"Jon, this is Bonnie. We're pinned down at Cascade Garden's. We need all available assistance."

"OK, Bonnie. We're nearby. Any unit in the vicinity, we have the 211 suspects cornered in the Inglewood Park Cemetery. We need back up and possible EMT's." Jon called out over the radio.

"10-4, 7 Mary 3." The dispatcher had been monitoring the channel.

"Attention all units, all frequencies. The CHP has a set of 211 suspects cornered at the Inglewood Park Cemetery. Shots have been fired and the two primary units are pinned down with possible injuries. CHP is advising approach with caution. Squad 51, possible officer down at Inglewood Park Cemetery. 720 E Florence Ave cross N Prairie Ave. Time out 13:10."

"Squad 51, 10-4. KMG 365." Roy DeSoto wrote down the address and then he and Johnny Gage left with lights and sirens flashing. The squad rolled toward the cemetery and they both wondered who the possible officer down was. They both knew lots of officers from both LAPD and CHP.

Jon and Ponch found two separate places and began firing on the suspects. "This is the police, we have you surrounded," Jon yelled to the men. "Now throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up."

"We've already taken down one lady and we will take all of you down to before we give up," one of the suspects replied back and then opened fire on Jon and Ponch. Ponch looked out from behind the big gravestone he was behind and noticed Shawna laying on the ground beside her cruiser.

"Baker," he called out but Jon didn't answer. "Baker!" he said more harshly.

"What?" came the reply.

"Look over to you left. No wonder Shawna never responded."

"Ponch, I have to get to her to see how bad she's hurt and keep them from taking her cruiser," he told his partner.

"Baker, I'm closer and I've got better coverage. If you can keep them down I can make my way to her."

"OK, I'll do what I can," he replied as they heard more sirens entering the area and a chopper overhead. Frank started making his way towards Shawna as Jon and Bonnie both tried to keep the men pinned down. "Please let her be alive!" he said silently as he watched Ponch finally get to her and then shake his head. "Oh God no!" he said softly and then he turned away, wanting the men who shot her under arrest so he could see if she was still alive.

"Shawna, can you hear me?" Frank questioned her as he opened the back door of the cruiser and grabbed the blanket off the backseat. "Come on Shawna, I need you to answer me. You've got one very worried officer who wants to be here with you."

"Hmm…Frank?" she moaned.

"Yeah, it's me lieutenant. I need you to stay with me, we're going to get you out of here soon," he told her as he laid the blanket over her to help with shock.

"Frank, use..flash..grenade," she moaned trying to help end the shootout before another officer was injured or killed.

"What?" he asked as he began applying pressure to her chest wound knowing he was hurting her more.

"AWW!" she cried out as he applied the pressure.

"I know Shawna, I'm hurting you but I have to try and control the bleeding."

"Frank, use..flash..grenade! Will stun suspects." She tried to move to her car and he stopped her.

"Please don't move, you're going to make it worse. Where's the grenade?" he asked hoping she would lie still.

"Trunk. Cruisers have them. Hurts!" she moaned and grabbed his hand.

"Any officer with a cruiser, Lt. Williams said use flash grenade to stun subjects. Come on guys let's get this finished, she needs help now. She's taken two bullets to the chest and is bleeding out." Frank used the radio on his belt to communicate her orders.

Finally, after another 15 minutes, the shootout was over and the men in custody. Roy and Johnny were finally able to enter the area to get Shawna the help she needed and Jon was by her side as soon as the flash grenade went off.

"Hang on Shawna," Jon told her as he knelt down and took her hand in his. "Help is on the way."

"Jon, tell Tommy I love him and I want you to raise him," she softly told him as a tear slipped from her eye.

"Hey now, don't talk like that. You're going to be fine once we get you to the hospital," he told her as he tried not to cry but he let the tears fall.

"Not this time," she whispered before Johnny and Roy got to her. "Lost too much blood." She placed her other hand on his cheek and wiped a tear away. "I don't regret our time together. Keep me in your heart and let Tommy know I will always be with him." As she said the last sentence she passed out and Johnny came running up to her with the medical box and biophone.

"Ponch, can we move the cruiser so we can work on her better?" he asked.

"Sure thing Johnny." Frank moved the cruiser and then he stood with Jon watching them work on Shawna ready to help if necessary.

"Ponch, I can't lose her. She's too important to me. And I love her," he told his friend as he wiped the tears away and focused on her.

"Rampart, this is Squad 51. Do you copy?" Roy called the hospital while Johnny was getting vitals and trying to control the bleeding.

"Ponch, I need you again," Johnny called out just as Sgt. Joe Getraer walked up to the scene.

"Sarge, will you stay with Baker?"

"Sure. Go help them." Joe looked at Jon and noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Jon, she's in the best hands right now. Those two men are the best paramedics in this county."

"I know Joe. I just can't lose her. And what about Tommy? How do I tell a 10 year old his mother is in critical condition from a gunshot wound?"

"We'll cross that bridge in a little while when Betty picks him up from school," Joe told his senior officer and laid his hand on his shoulder.

"Ponch, I need you to continue to apply pressure to the chest wound like you were doing when we got here. I need to get vitals but she's losing blood fast," Johnny told Frank as he knelt down beside Shawna.

"Sure thing Johnny." Frank began applying pressure again to Shawna's chest and she moaned but never woke up. "I know I'm hurting you lieutenant but I have to keep pressure on your wound." Johnny finally got a set of vitals and got Shawna hooked up to the EKG (Electro Kardio Gramm) machine to get heart vitals.

"Rampart this is Squad 51, do you copy?" Roy asked again as Johnny began pulling things out of the drug box in anticipation of Dr. Kelly Brackett's orders.

"Squad 51, this is Rampart, go ahead." Dr. Brackett replied.

"Rampart we have a CHP officer down with two GSW's (Gun Shot Wounds) to the chest. Patient is approximately 34 years old and has lost a lot of blood. Vitals are Pulse 20 by Palpation, Respiration is 15, BP is 80/55. We're sending you an EKG to follow." Johnny set the machine up to transmit the EKG to Rampart.

As Jon watched them working on Shawna, he remembered the first time he asked her out on a date. His doorbell rang at 8 pm on a Sunday evening and he wasn't expecting any company. When he opened the door, there stood Tommy and Shawna. He had found out one day they lived in the same building he did when he ran into them coming in as he was going out.

"Hi Jon," she said with a smile which he loved seeing.

"Hi Shawna. Hi Tommy. What brings you guys down here?"

"My hot water heater decided to kick the bucket and the landlord can't fix it until in the morning. I was wondering if we could borrow yours?"

"Sure you can. Come on in." he stepped aside and let them in.

"Mom can borrow your shower Jon, I'm good." Tommy said looking at his mom with a sideways glance.

"Nice try young man but you have school tomorrow and I have work. I will go first because I know how you like to run all of the hot water out. Now you mind Jon and I'll be back in about ten minutes," she told the guys.

"Take your time," Jon told her as he led her down the hall. "Towels are in the shelf by the sink,"

"Thanks, Jon." Jon came walking back down the hall and Tommy was sitting in the floor with his coloring book.

"So Tommy, what do you and your mom like to do for fun?" he asked as he sat on the floor beside the kid.

"We do lots of stuff. She takes me to the batting cages to practice or we go to the park and she throws the ball with me. On the weekends, we go horseback riding and hiking. Mom's even taking me flying a few times."

"So your mom likes to fly and do riding?"

"She does and she's great at both. Mom's a good pilot and a great cook."

"What's your favorite dish your mom cooks?"

"Spaghetti and meatballs. She makes the meatballs herself." Shawna came walking down the hall wearing black capris and an oversized sweatshirt she had cut the sleeves and neckline off of to make it loose with a tank top under it.

"Alright young man, we'll let the water heat back up for a few minutes and then it's your turn," she said as she rubbed his head and smiled at Jon.

"Aww, mom."

"Aww mom. You've been swimming this evening and need to get the chlorine out of your hair. Now, Jon's shower is just like our so you have 15 minutes and don't run all of his hot water out like you do ours. Now scoot," she told him as he stood up and started toward the bathroom. "I'm sorry about that," she told him as she began picking up crayons off of the floor.

"I think all kids are the same way. I know my mother used to tell me when it was bath time us boys would run to the barn," he said with a chuckle. "Can I get you something to drink while you're waiting? I have water, soda, milk and coffee from this morning."

"Truck stop coffee. Wow!"

"Truck stop coffee?"

"If it's from this morning, I think it could probably walk away," she said with a laugh. "Soda is fine. Thanks."

"Glass or can?"

"Can is fine."

"Shall we go outside to the patio? It's a nice evening and we can get to know each other a little better."

"Sounds nice." They went outside and that's when Jon asked her out.

"Shawna I was wondering if you would like to go out this Friday evening after work? You, Tommy and I could grab a pizza and maybe go bowling or to the arcade. I'd really like to get to know you both better," he asked and she noticed he was blushing a little bit.

Suddenly, he was brought back to the present situation.

"Rampart, patient is in V-Fib. We are beginning CPR and ready to shock," Roy told Brackett.

"51, charge to 360 and shock her. I want the officer here ASAP." Brackett was heard over the biophone.

"Please God, don't take her. Don't take her!" Jon was silently praying as he watched the paramedics work on Shawna.


	3. Chapter 3

"With Love Comes Pain!"

Chapter 3.

A/N: This is no longer part of the CHIPS challenge. Emergency characters will make an appearance.

Jon and Joe both watched as Shawna was being worked on and praying the guys could help save Shawna's life not only for Jon's sake but also for Tommy's sake. Bonnie, Grossman, and Bear had gathered around and were watching worriedly.

"Bonnie, I need you to go and pick up Tommy from school and bring him to the hospital. If he asks why just tell him Shawna's been injured," Joe told the female who had been Shawna's backup.

"Yes sir. Jon I'm praying for Shawna," she told the sandy blonde haired man watching intently.

"Thanks Bonnie." She turned and left to go get the little boy.

Meanwhile, as Johnny and Roy were finally able to get Shawna stabilized, Ponch had unfastened her gun belt and would be ready to hand it to Joe once they lifted her onto the backboard. Joe had stepped away and told Bear to call and get some tow trucks for all three motorcycles and Shawna's cruiser. He also told Bear he wanted him to stay with the vehicles until the tow trucks arrived and he would be taking his car to the hospital.

"OK, Roy, let's get her on the backboard and loaded into the ambulance. Brackett's waiting at Rampart. On three let's move her. One, two, three," and then they moved Shawna hoping she wouldn't start bleeding again. Ponch grabbed her gun belt and handed it to Joe who locked it in the trunk of the car. "Ponch, I need Roy to go with me so can you follow us with the squad?" Ponch looked at Joe who nodded yes.

"Sure thing Johnny."

"OK, let's get going." The guys loaded Shawna into the ambulance and they took off with Ponch behind them and Joe and Jon behind Frank. All three vehicles had lights and sirens going. Jon never said anything on the ride to the hospital and Joe was worried he might be going into shock.

The ambulance backed into the bay and Ponch backed the squad in beside them, while Joe parked off to the right of the bay doors. Johnny and Roy jumped out of the ambulance and rushed inside with Shawna where Dr. Brackett and Dr. Joe Early were waiting for them.

"Johnny, how is she?" Brackett asked.

"Vitals are still the same. We finally managed to get the bleeding to stop and then she went into cardiac arrest again. We got her back into sinus rhythm. Her friends are right behind us."

"OK, thanks Johnny. Dixie make sure we have eight units of O+ ready and in the OR. Joe let's get her to surgery now." They wheeled her to the elevator just as Jon, Ponch and Joe all walked into the hospital and noticed they were taking her away. Johnny and Roy stopped the men to let them know what was happening.

"Hold on a minute guys," Johnny told them as they stopped. "They are taking Shawna up to surgery. Now she was unconscious when we came in so she's not hurting right now. Jon, you need to let one of the doctor's check you out before Tommy arrives."

"I'm fine Johnny."

"No you're not. You're still in shock and you look like you're about to pass out. Besides, you need to figure out what you plan on telling that little boy when he gets here."

"Johnny's right," Roy chimed in. "You need to let one of the doctors take a look at you."

"Fine!" Jon said in a harsh tone. "If it will get you guys off of my back then I'll talk to a doctor."

"Jon," Getraer started to speak to his officer but was stopped by Roy.

"It's ok sergeant. We know what he's going through and don't blame him."

"OK, Jon, if you'll follow me. Dr. Morton is waiting in exam room 4," Nurse Dixie McCall spoke up once everyone was done being snippy with each other.

"Sure thing." Jon followed her in the room where she took his vitals and hung around while Dr. Morton did a quick exam of Jon.

"Jon, your blood pressure is elevated right now. I know you're worried about Shawna but I need for you to relax. Getting yourself down isn't going to help her." Dr. Morton told him.

"I'll try but I'm going to have to explain to a 10 year old little boy that his mother is in surgery fighting for her life because she took two bullets to the chest trying to stop some jewelry thieves. Can you imagine what he's probably going through now just knowing his mom's been hurt?"

"Jon, I'm sure you'll figure out what to tell her son when he gets here," Dixie told him as she took his hand in hers. "And you have plenty of back-up out there. Your friends aren't going to let you go through this alone. Now relax." There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Dixie said.

"Jon, Bonnie just pulled into the parking lot," Ponch told his friend.

"OK. I'm coming." Jon walked out of the exam room and saw Bonnie walk in with her hand on Tommy's shoulder. When he saw Jon he took off running toward the blonde officer.

"Jon, how's mom?" he asked with tears already streaming down his cheeks.

"She's in surgery right now and that's all we know. Your mom was involved in a shootout earlier and she took two bullets to the chest." Jon had remembered a conversation he and Shawna had one evening about Tommy and she had told him to just be straight with him.

"Where were you?"

"We were coming in to give her backup when she was shot."

"You were supposed to protect her. She'd protect all of you and you let her down. She got hurt because you weren't there to help her. I hate you Jon Baker. I HATE YOU!" Tommy shouted at Jon and then took off down the hall and ran into the doctor's lounge. Jon remained knelt down and couldn't get the look of pain on Tommy's face out of his mind.

"I have to go talk to him," he finally said as he stood up.

"Jon just let him be for a few minutes." Dixie suggested. "He's in the doctor's lounge and Roy and Johnny are in there. Maybe they can get him to see this wasn't anyone's fault but the men who sot Shawna."

"She's right Jon," Getraer spoke up, "just give him some time."

"He didn't mean what he said about hating you partner," Frank said as he gripped Jon's shoulder, "he's just upset and scared." Meanwhile in the lounge, Roy and Johnny were telling Tommy that Shawna was thinking of him before she passed out.

"You know Tommy, your mom wanted Joe to watch you while she's in here and she also wanted you to know that the other officers were not responsible for her getting hurt," Johnny told the little boy crying on the couch.

"Really?" he asked as he sniffed and wiped his eyes.

"She sure did," Roy replied as he handed him a napkin to blow his nose.

"So mom doesn't blame them?"

"No. She said to tell you she loves you and to be good for the Getraer's and Jon." Johnny told him. The door to the lounge opened and in walked Brackett with the others. Jon sat down beside Tommy on the sofa so Brackett could talk to him.

"Hello Tommy. I'm Dr. Brackett and this is Dr. Early. We just finished operating on your mom."

"How is mom?"

"She's in critical condition but she's holding her own at the moment. Tommy, I'd like to be honest with you, your mom has lost a lot of blood before she arrived here. We're going to keep your mom in a medically induced coma for a while to give her body time to recover."

"What does that mean?"

"That means we are going to let your mom sleep to help her get better," Dr. Early replied. "If she's resting then her body will be able to heal a little faster."

"Can I see her?" Tommy asked.

"Once we get her moved into the Intensive Care Unit, then I'll come and get you so you can see her for a couple of minutes." Brackett replied. "Can I speak with everyone else outside for a minute? Jon, you too please." Jon looked at Roy and Johnny because he didn't want to leave Tommy.

"Go ahead. We'll stay with him." Roy said.

"Thanks. I'll be back in a few minutes. OK?"

"OK." Brackett took everyone into his office for a little chat.

"Thank you all for coming in here. I know you are worried about Shawna and I also know her son is too but I'm going to insist that each of you only visit her once a day and Tommy can see her after school. She needs the rest and peace which is why I'm keeping her in the coma."

"If that's what you feel is best for Shawna then we will do it," Joe spoke for the group. Dixie knocked on the door and then poked her head inside.

"Joe your wife is here to pick up Tommy."

"Thanks Dixie. I'll tell her it'll be a few minutes so he can see Shawna."

"OK, I'm going to go ahead and let him see her now. Jon would you like to go with him?" Brackett asked.

"Yes please. I'd like for her to know I'm here for her." Jon put his hand on Tommy's shoulder and gently squeezed it. "Let's go see your mom."

"OK." He replied as he looked up at Jon with tear filled eyes.

Brackett led Tommy and Jon up to the ICU floor so they could see Shawna. Before he let them enter the room he knelt down to speak to Tommy.

"Tommy, I don't want you to be afraid of seeing your mom when you go in here. She's pale because she lost a lot of blood at the scene and we have her hooked up to monitors to help us watch her blood pressure and pulse. Are you going to be OK with this?" Brackett asked.

"Yes, sir. I want to see my mom." He led the two men into the private room where Shawna was at watched as they both walked over to the bed. Tommy took his mom's hand and laid his cheek on it and began to cry, "Mom you have to be OK. Please don't die on me, mom."

"Tommy, your mom's resting at the moment," Jon said as he squeezed his shoulder, "the machines are helping her to breathe so she's not getting tired and it's allowing her body to heal."

"I know. Mom's explained thing here at the hospital before. I love you mom," he said as he kissed the back of her hand. "I'll be good for Mr. and Mrs. Getraer. Just wake up soon, please." He then turned and gave Jon a hug and left with Joe who was waiting outside.

"Jon, I'll give you five minutes with Shawna and then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm also going to have to ask all of you to just visit her once or twice a day. She needs her rest and I don't want you guys to stay here and get yourselves down. She's going to need you to be strong when she wakes up," Brackett told the officer.

"I understand Dr. Brackett." Brackett turned and left Jon alone with Shawna.

"Shawna," Jon said softly as he sat down on the side of her bed, "you have a lot of people worried about you and one of them just left this room with a broken little heart. He needs his mom, he wants you to kiss him at night when he goes to bed, he wants you to fix him his favorite breakfast and to pick him up from school. He wants you to wake up sweetheart and so do I. I know we've only been dating for ten months but I love you. I think I fell in love with you the first day I saw you in the briefing room. The way you laughed at something Joe said and then lightly bit your lower lip. It took me three times asking you out before you finally said yes. Sweetheart, I'm begging you to fight to come back to us." Jon sat there holding her hand and just let the tears fall down his cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

"With Love Comes Pain!"

Chapter 4

Frank quietly entered the room and watched Jon holding Shawna's hand and crying. He felt sad for his friend as he sat beside his girlfriend silently praying she would make a complete recovery. Frank knew deep down Shawna was in for a real struggle since he'd seen the first hand damage caused by the two .357 bullets she'd taken to her chest. He also knew Jon was in for a struggle because of Dr. Brackett's orders to only come by the hospital twice a day until she woke up. He figured Jon would want to stay there by her side 24 hours a day but Brackett had made sure that wouldn't happen.

"Jon?" Frank softly spoke not wanting to startle his partner.

"Yeah," Jon replied as he wiped his eyes but didn't turn around.

"Dr. Brackett asked me to come in and let you know it's time to go. He knows you're worried about Shawna but he wants her to have some peace and quiet to rest."

"OK," Jon said and then leaned down kissing Shawna softly on the cheek. "I'll be back later sweetheart." He turned and walked to the door where Ponch stood.

"Can I have just a minute with her?" Ponch asked his friend.

"Sure." Jon walked out and Ponch walked over to the bed and took Shawna's hand in his.

"Listen lady, you have to get better. You have a lot of people worrying about you. And I also need someone else besides Getraer to yell at me. Get better soon." He leaned down and kissed her on her forehead. He walked out and met Jon near the elevator.

"We need to get back to the station and get our reports on the shooting done and then hit the streets again," Ponch said as they waited for the elevator.

"Yeah, I guess we do," Jon said half-heartedly. He'd rather be staying there with Shawna but Brackett was right, she needed her rest. Luckily the ride back to Central was uneventful and the guys finished their reports and gave them to Joe.

"Thanks guys. Listen, I know you're both worried about Shawna but I want you to obey Dr. Brackett's orders and only see Shawna twice a day. Jon, I'll need you to meet me at her apartment after work to get Tommy some clothes. We can get the landlord to let us in." Joe told his senior officer.

"I've got a key to her place." Joe and Ponch looked at Jon with a slight grin on their faces. "She gave me a key in case anything ever happened and I needed to get stuff for Tommy. I guess she knew the day might come."

"Well, we can go by there at the end of shift. Now hit the streets and stay safe."

"We will, Sarge." The two men left and luckily the rest of their shift was quiet except for a few speeders. Jon met Joe at Shawna's apartment and they went in and packed Tommy some clothes and other necessities like his toothbrush, toothpaste and hair brush. Jon also packed the stuffed teddy bear he saw laying on the boy's bed just in case he needed a furry friend.

"Who's going to take care of Charlie while Shawna's in the hospital?" Jon asked.

"I called Betty and I'm going to go by the pound and pick him up. We both agreed Tommy needs Charlie right now." Joe replied.

"That's a good idea. I know Tommy can use a friend right now." Jon helped Joe gather Charlie's things.

"Joe I can't lose her. I know I've only known her for a year but I can't lose her."

"Jon, you can't think like that. Shawna's a fighter and she's going to pull through this, you have to believe that. If you give up on her then what does that say about your relationship with her?" Jon looked at Joe but didn't say anything. "Yes, I know about your relationship with Shawna and so does the captain. You both have made sure it didn't interfere with your jobs and that's said a lot but you can't let this interfere with your job."

"I'm just afraid right now. She stole my heart the first time I walked into the briefing room. It took me three times of asking her out before she finally agreed to go out with me."

"Jon, I've seen the two of you together and how you look at each other. I know when you in the hospital a few months ago with pneumonia, she was just as worried about you. She wouldn't leave your bedside as long as you had a fever and Dr. Brackett threatened to ban her from seeing you and she went round and round with him. I know you want to be there for her but she needs the rest." Jon helped Joe with all of the stuff and they went down to his car continuing the conversation as they went.

"I just don't want her to wake up alone and think no cares about her," he said as he grabbed his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes.

"She's not going to think anything of the sort. She knows we all have a job to do and that's protecting the public. Jon, I know how worried you are about Shawna, we all are, but if you want to see her daily then you have to do what Dr. Brackett asked us to do and that's to let her rest."

"You're right Joe. I remember when I woke up and saw her sitting by my bedside reading. I thought I was dreaming until she looked over at me and smiled. You know her smile can warm the coldest hearts and she doesn't even realize it."

"I think she knows but she prefers not to think about it. She just wants people to respect her as police officer and then a person. Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Will you tell Tommy I'll see him tomorrow at the hospital?"

"Sure, I'll tell him. I'll see you in the morning at briefing and if you need anything tonight just give me a call."

"Thanks Joe. See you in the morning." Joe left and Jon hung around Shawna's apartment for just a couple of more minutes and then he finally left and went to his own apartment two floors down. He wanted to just relax but he couldn't because his mind kept going back to the scene and he finally had to get out of the apartment. He drove around and found a small bar, Hank's Bar and Grill, in the neighborhood and went inside.

The bar was quiet since it was a Monday evening and only 8 p.m. plus the crowd hadn't arrived yet. Jon ordered a beer and took a seat in a corner booth and listened to the song playing on the jukebox. The song playing was George Jones' "Walk Through This World With Me." As Jon was listening to the song, he was lost in thought and drinking his beer. He was thinking about the title and wanted Shawna to be the one walking through this world with him. He was listening to the following lyrics:

 _Walk through this world with me_

 _Go where I go_

 _Share all my dreams with me_

 _I need you so_

 _In life we search_

 _And some of us find_

 _I've looked for you_

 _A long, long time_

 _And now that I've found you_

 _New horizons I see_

 _Come take my hand and_

 _Walk through this world with me._

Jon was listening to the lyrics and thinking of how he had waited a long time to find someone like Shawna and now he might lose her because of the kind of jobs they had. Jon motioned to the bartender for another beer and sat back thinking of everything he'd seen and thought that day. Jon had been sitting in the same booth for about three hours, five beers and no food later when in walked Chet Kelley and Marco Lopez from Station 51. Marco lived in a nearby neighborhood and Chet was giving him a lift home when they stopped.

"Hey Marco, isn't that Jon Baker sitting in the corner?" Chet asked his buddy.

"Sure looks like him. I wonder why he's here and not at the hospital?"

"Why don't we got ask and see if he needs help getting home." The guys walked over Jon's booth, "Hello Jon," Chet said, "Mind if we join you?"

"Hi..guys." Jon said kind of slurring his words. "Have…a…seat." he said and motioned for another beer. Chet looked over at the bartender who held up five fingers and Chet shook his head no more.

"Jon don't you have to be at work early tomorrow?" Marco asked.

"Yep, 6 sharp," he replied slurring his words again.

"Then why don't you let Chet and me help get you home safely so you can get some sleep," Marco suggested as he looked at his watch and noticed it was already 11:30.

"After one more beer," Jon told the two men.

"Jon, I think you've had enough for tonight," Chet told him.

"I think I can decide that for myself, Chet." Jon motioned for another beer and the bartender came over to the table.

"Sorry buddy but you've had the limit tonight."

"You're..kidding..me!" he slurred again as he spoke.

"Nope, you've had your limit."

"Fine. How much do I owe you?"

"Twelve will cover it." Jon dug into his pants pocket and pulled out the bills and found a $10 and two $1's and tossed them on the table.

"There you go." He began to slide out of the booth and leaned back against the wall.

"You ok?" Chet asked as he looked at the sandy blonde cop standing in front of him drunk.

"Not really. Room is spinning."

"Then just close your eyes and let us take you home. Give me your keys and tell me which vehicle is yours," Chet told him.

"Blue pick-up truck out front."

"Man, if Shawna saw you like this she'd kick your butt."

"She'll never get the chance."

"Why?" Marco asked as they began to walk out of the bar.

"Because she's going to die," he told them once they were outside. "She's going to die and there's nothing I can to do save her."

"Jon, Shawna's tough and Brackett's a terrific doctor. She just needs time. Johnny and Roy told us about the call today. They said she took two .357's to the chest but she was alive when they got her to Rampart." Marco told him as Chet unlocked the truck and they helped Jon get in.

"Guys, I think I'm going to be sick," and they both moved to let him puke next to the truck. Once he was done, he climbed in, closed the door and laid his head back.

"Will you follow us?" Chet asked Marco.

"Sure. I feel sorry for the guy."

"Me too." Chet climbed into the truck and started it.

"Where do you live, Jon?"

"1000 Grand Apartments. About 10 minutes from here, um 1019 S Grand Ave, fourth floor. Shawna lives on sixth floor with her son and police dog. Did you know she has a son?"

"Yes, I know Tommy. He's a great kid. Shawna's been a friend of ours for two years now," Chet remarked as he headed toward Jon's apartment. He pulled into the parking lot and Marco pulled in beside him and they both helped Jon upstairs. They couldn't believe how spacious his one bedroom apartment was and the furniture inside the place. They led Jon down the hallway to his bedroom and laid him on the bed. Marco went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and some aspirin from the cabinet and came back to the bedroom. He handed them to Chet who told Jon to take the aspirin or he'd feel a lot worse in the morning when he woke up. Jon swallowed the aspirin and laid his arm over his eyes.

"Thanks guys for the help."

"No problem. I've got your alarm set for 4:30," Chet told him.

"OK," came a soft slurred response. The guys walked out of the room and turn off the light leaving just the bathroom light on and the door slightly cracked.

"Let's set the coffee pot for 4:15 and the smell should help wake him up," Marco suggested.

"Good idea," Chet responded and then whistled. "Look at this place. I know what we make but they can't make that much more to afford something like this. And Shawna's got a son so you know she has a two bedroom apartment. These places aren't cheap Marco. I bet this one alone is $750-$1000 a month if not more."

"Maybe they get a discount for being cops," he said as he fixed the coffee pot, "or maybe they both have some good investments."

"I don't even get a discount being a fireman. They can't be making more than us. Can they?" Chet asked.

"Well," he hesitated, "they work for the state and we work for the county. So yes, they might be making a little more than us. Come on, I've got the coffee ready so let's go." They walked out of the apartment and Marco made sure the door was locked and secure before they went to the elevator. Chet ended up taking Marco home since it was already after midnight. Both men were starting to worry about Jon and what he'd said at the bar about Shawna dying.

"Chet, since we're both off tomorrow night why don't we swing back by the bar and see if Jon's there again and if he is let's make sure he gets home safe," Marco suggested.

"Sure, I was just thinking the same thing. Night Marco."

"Night Chet." Chet left and went home to his apartment and was thinking about what Jon had said about Shawna dying so he called Rampart to check on her. Once the nurse said she was still sedated and resting he decided to turn in.

Jon had managed to get four fitful hours of sleep as he kept dreaming of Shawna getting shot. Finally, his alarm clock went off at 4:30 and he rolled over feeling like he'd been hit with a big truck. He turned on the lamp beside his bed and noticed the water, aspirin and note: Take two aspirin when you wake up, coffee is ready and we hope you have a better day at work. Chet and Marco. Jon vaguely remembered the two coming into the bar and then bringing him home.

He did as the note suggested and took two aspirin before he went to take a long hot shower. Jon stood under the hot water and let the tears flow as he broke down crying about the lady he loved lying in the hospital. He finally finished as the water started turning colder and got out, got dressed and went to the kitchen. He was thankful the two men had preset the coffee pot since he had just enough time to grab a travel cup and an apple and head out the door.

Jon arrived at the station around 5:40 and went to the locker room to change into his uniform. He was greeted by Ponch, Grossie and Bear when he walked in. They noticed how tired he looked and didn't want to say anything. Getraer walked into the locker room and noticed the same thing.

"Jon you alright? Looks like you didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"I didn't, Sarge. My mind just wouldn't shut down. I kept thinking about Shawna and Tommy. How is Tommy?"

"Well, he was still asleep when I walked out of the house. Betty was about to get the kids up and get them ready for school. Briefing in 15 minutes fellows," he said as he turned and left the room.

The guys didn't want to say anything to Jon about how he looked so they all left the locker room. Frank stopped at the break room and grabbed a package of Ding Dongs and a box of milk and headed to the briefing room. Briefing was short and sweet and luckily the day was an uneventful day for everyone.

"Jon, how about we grab some dinner tonight. There's a great burger joint not far from my place that has really good burgers and fries."

"Thanks partner but I think I'm going to go home and go to bed. I only got about 4 hours or so of sleep last night."

"OK, take care of yourself." Ponch watched his friend drive off toward his apartment and then showed up about eight o'clock just as Jon was pulling out of the parking lot. He hung back and followed Jon to Hank's Bar. Ponch waited for about three hours or so and was about to go inside when he noticed Chet and Marco pull up behind Jon's truck and go inside. Then a few minutes later he watched the two men help his friend out to his truck and drive him home. "Oh, Jon. This isn't the way to deal with this." Frank watched the two men leave and then went home himself. He knew he needed to talk to Jon but he figured he'd see if it happened again before he said anything to anyone.


	5. Chapter 5

"With Love Comes Pain!"

Ch. 5

Ponch arrived at Central around 5:30 a.m. and was sitting in the break room eating a bagel and cream cheese from Panera Bread. Shawna had gotten everyone hooked on fresh bagels every morning and he stopped on his way into work to pick some up. He was about finished when Jon walked into the room. Ponch noticed how tired Jon looked and the dark circles under his eyes.

"Morning Jon," Ponch said after swallowing his food.

"Morning," he replied as he grabbed a cup of coffee and half a bagel.

"Rough night?"

"Not really. Just not sleeping well. I'm going to head on into the briefing room."

"OK, I'll see you in a minute." Jon walked out of the break room and Frank shook his head. "Oh Jon. Jon. Jon."

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen," Joe Getraer said with a slight smile. "Morning," he heard from around the room. "Ok, we have an auto theft ring which has just moved into the area. They are stealing six to twelve cars and then they move on. Helicopter 5 thought they had them yesterday but they managed to give Bob the slip and he's not happy. So keep your eyes alert for any sports car on the freeways which the driver doesn't look right with the car. Be careful with your stops, look for missing ignitions, broken windows and anything else which might look suspicious.

Now, that's pretty much it for our business. Now on a personal note, I called Rampart General this morning and they said Shawna was holding her own and getting stronger by the hour. Dr. Brackett wanted me to thank everyone for following his orders and keeping your visits to Shawna to a minimum and he also wanted me to let you know he plans on weening Shawna off of the sedatives keeping her in the coma later tonight or early in the morning. So he's hoping by tomorrow evening she will be awake." There was a round of applause in the room and lots of Hallelujah's.

"Now until he says different, let's still keep the visits to a minimum until she's strong enough for longer visits. OK?"

"Sure thing, Sarge," he heard multiple people reply.

"Alright, hit the streets. Poncherello, I need to see you in my office please," Joe said as everyone started to leave.

"What've you done now Ponch?" Bear asked teasingly.

"I'm not sure Bear. Maybe he just likes my charming smile!" Ponch replied and flashed his pearly whites.

"I'll meet you outside," Jon told Ponch.

"OK." Everyone left the briefing room and Ponch stooped by Getraer's office. "You wanted to see me Sarge?"

"Yes. Will you close the door and have a seat?"

"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in trouble?" Frank asked nervously. He knew he hadn't done anything to get into trouble for lately.

"You're not in trouble. I need to ask you a question and I'm not sure I want to ask it."

"Is it about Jon?"

"Yes. I'm worried about him. He looks so tired and depressed. I know he's worried about Shawna but if he's not taking care of himself, I can't have him on the streets where you guys or someone else might get hurt."

"Trust me Sarge, if I thought he was in trouble I'd let you know. I'm just as worried about him."

"Just please be careful out there. I already have one officer in the hospital and I really don't want another one in there."

"We'll be careful. I promise. See you later. Oh, if Jon asks you want me to work this weekend." Ponch said as he turned to leave the office.

"Sure thing, Frank." He met Jon outside and noticed he was hanging his head as if he were asleep. "Hey partner."

"Hey Ponch. Everything ok?"

"Yeah. The sergeant just wanted to know if I wanted to work this weekend," he said lying to his best friend.

"Are you?"

"I told him I'd have to think about it. Are you ready to hit the streets?"

"Sure." Luckily for the guys their shift went by without any snags. They came back to the station and left for the evening. Jon went home until about 8 p.m. and then headed out to the bar. Ponch waited until about 11 p.m. to see if Chet and Marco arrived again to take him home and sure enough they did. Ponch had seen enough and decided he would confront Jon in the morning about his drinking.

Ponch arrived at Central at 5:30 the next morning and he wasn't a very happy man. A couple of the third shift officers had spoken to him and he really didn't talk to them like he normally did. They all knew something was bothering Ponch but they all gave him his space because he was their friend and if wanted to talk he would.

"Morning Ponch," Bear said as he walked into the break room.

"Morning," was all Ponch said.

"Is everything ok?"

"Not really. I'm about to do something I really don't want to do but I have to do it. I have a friend who's spiraling out of control and he doesn't see it."

"Jon?"

"Yeah. Bear, I'm going to ask you and the others to stay out of what I'm about to do."

"Ponch," Bear started but was interrupted.

"Bear please. Just do like I ask and stay out of it." Jon walked into the break room and Ponch went after him with all the anger he had built up inside.

"So Baker are you sure you're going to be able to work today or do you have another hangover?" Ponch all but yelled at his friend.

"What are you talking about?"

"What I'm talking about is you going to Hank's Bar for the last four nights and two of the fireman from Station 51 having to bring you home. What I'm talking about is the dark circles under your eyes and them being bloodshot. What I'm talking about is you suddenly drinking because Shawna is in the hospital and you want to feel sorry for yourself."

"Shut the hell up Ponch. You don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm doing."

"You're wrong there, partner. I know you've been drinking and coming to work hungover. You're not getting enough sleep and you're blaming yourself because you weren't there to help protect Shawna when she was shot. We all are blaming ourselves because she got shot but you have to straighten yourself up because she is going to wake up."

"Ponch, I told you to shut the hell up. Yes I blame myself for her getting shot and not being able to be there to help protect her but I can't change that. And I'll continue to drink if I want to."

"Then you won't be riding with me today."

"And just how do you intend to stop me Ponch?"

"Like this." And suddenly Ponch hit Jon as hard as he could with a right hook and knocked him back into the vending machine. Jon shook off the punch and came back at Ponch and took him down when he charged into him like a bull. The two went at each other like two enemies instead of like friends. Fists were flying, bodies were being tossed across tables and shirts were being torn. Bear took off to get Joe while Grossie and Jed tried to break up the fight with no luck.

"All right, let's break it up NOW!" Joe yelled as he walked into the break room and saw two of his finest officers fighting each other. The guys didn't stop and he had to step in between them to break up the fight. "I said stop this right now!" He finally got the two of them separated and was fuming. "What the hell is the problem here?"

"Why don't you ask Ponch," Jon said as he wiped the blood from his lip.

"All right let's go to my office and discuss this." As they walked out of the break room, Lt. Harold Bates showed up for work.

"What in the world is going on here?" Harold asked when he saw the way Baker and Poncherello looked.

"I'm not sure but we're just about to find out. Would you like to join us in my office?"

"Sure thing. Let me get Sgt. Stevens to handle the briefing." Everyone gathered in Joe's office for a meeting of the minds to figure out what was going on between his two best officers.

"Alright now," Harold said as he walked into Joe's office and handed each officer a wet towel he'd grabbed from the breakroom, "who would like to start and tell us what's going on?" When neither man spoke, Joe saw the opening he needed to address Jon's behavior.

"Jon, why don't you tell us why you and Frank were fighting. The two of you are friends and have been for four years."

"Yeah, well that friendship just went out the window when Ponch decided to stick his nose in my business and then hit me."

"Well, why'd he hit you?" Harold asked.

"He accused me of having a hangover this morning," Jon replied as he put the cool cloth up to his eye.

"Well, do you have a hangover?" Joe asked.

"No, I don't have a hangover. I have a headache and a black eye. If I wanted to, I could file assault charges against you Ponch," Jon said as he pointed a finger at his so-called friend.

"Go ahead Jon, I don't care. You're being a jerk about all of this and I wasn't about to let you go out on the streets in the condition you're in. Shawna's going to be fine and you have to stop blaming yourself for her getting shot. Tommy doesn't blame us anymore and I'm sure Shawna won't either. We all know the dangers of this job and she'd be the first one to tell you to stop blaming yourself.

I'm sorry she got shot too but drinking isn't the answer. If you really love Shawna like you say you do, then you need to straighten up, get yourself cleaned up and start flying right. She'd be the first one to kick your butt for the way you're acting."

"Ponch is right, Jon," Harold told the blonde officer. "I know you and Shawna have been seeing each other and you've kept your relationship out of the office, but I can't let you go out on the streets in the condition you're in today. Go home and get some rest, and then tomorrow you can go to the hospital to see Shawna once she is awake. You've got the next three days off, so I'd suggest you use them wisely. Resting and no more drinking."

"Yes sir," Jon replied and got up to leave.

"Poncherello, you go get cleaned up and ride with Officer Grossman," Bates told the dark- haired officer.

"Yes sir." Ponch left the office and Harold took a seat. Ponch caught Grossie coming out of the briefing room and let him know they'd be riding together.

"OK, Ponch. I'll wait on you outside." Ponch went and changed his shirt and went out to start his day on the streets.

"All right Joe, what are we going to do about Baker and Poncherello fighting and Baker's drinking?" Harold asked his senior sergeant shaking his head.

"I don't know what to do. I think giving Baker three days off was the right thing to do, as long as he doesn't go out and get drunk again. I think I'll go over to Station 51 and talk to the men there to see who was helping Baker get home."

"How's Tommy handling all of this? Being at your house, school and his mother in the hospital?" Harold asked concerned.

"He's not been sleeping to well but he's hanging in there. He was excited when I told him this morning about being able to see his mother tomorrow if the doctor says he can come by. Betty takes him by there after school, so he can see Shawna and give her a goodnight kiss."

"He sounds like a tough little boy just like his mother."

"Shawna's not his biological mother," Joe said and noticed the look of surprise on Harold's face. "She adopted him when he was three. She was his godmother and his parents were friends of hers. I believe she said his father was a firefighter, and his mother was a nurse."

"Really? What happened to his parents?"

"They died in a car crash one night when a drunk driver hit them head on. Tommy was in the backseat asleep and doesn't really recall a lot about what happened, but he had nightmares for a while and I think this might be causing some more for him. Shawna was apparently the first officer on the scene and had to handle Tommy instead of the accident."

"How did she end up adopting him instead of his family?" Harold asked.

"She told me she spoke with the family after the funerals and had asked who would be taking Tommy into their homes. Apparently, when no one spoke up, she went off on the whole group. She told them that little boy was their family and they should be ashamed about not wanting to take him. They had told her they couldn't handle a toddler again since their children were already in school. She told them how disappointed she was, but she would gladly adopt the young man if no one had any objections. They didn't, and it's been seven years since they became a family."

Meanwhile at Rampart, Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early were having a discussion about when start weening Shawna off the meds keeping her in the coma.

"Kel, I think she needs at least another two or three days to get stronger. She was just shot three days ago and lost a lot of blood before the paramedics were able to even administer treatment," Joe said adamantly.

"Joe, her vitals have been holding stable and I think she's strong enough for us to start weening her off the sedatives. And she has a little boy who is worried about whether or not his mom is going to wake up. I'm going to start reducing the dosage today and hopefully by tomorrow she'll be awake.

"I think you're making a mistake Kel."

"Then it's my mistake to make."


	6. Chapter 6

With Love Comes Pain! Ch. 6

**Thanks for being so patient this year with this story. I've had a lot going on with other projects and I've kind of neglected my writing.**

Dr. Kelly Brackett walked into Lt. Shawna Williams room, and over to her bed, ready to start weening her off the sedatives keeping her asleep when he was greeted to a pair of beautiful brown eyes looking around the room. He took Shawna's hand and smiled at her.

"Well, I'll be dad-gum. Hello there, young lady," he said with a smile which reached all the way up to his piercing blue eyes. Shawna blinked back at him and pointed to the tube in her mouth. "Just be patient for a couple of minutes and I'll take the tube out." She blinked at him again. "You know you've got a lot of people worried about you? I know one little boy who will be happy today when he comes by after school to see you're awake." She blinked again and Kel noticed she was getting anxious to have the intubation tube out, so she could talk. "All right, on three I want you to take a deep breath and blow as I help to pull the tube out," he looked at Shawna with a warm smile and she winked at him. "One, two, three," he said as he pulled the tube out of her throat as she pushed with the deep breath he told her to take.

"Doc," she started but he stopped her and handed her a Kleenex to wipe her mouth.

"Hey, no talking yet young lady. Your throat is in no condition for the strain. Let me get you some water before you even try to say another word."

"Please," she whispered.

"Here, drink this first. It'll help with the dryness." She drank the water he had given her, and then gave him a pleading look. "OK, one question and then no more talking until this afternoon."

"How long?" she asked.

"How long have you been here?" he asked while checking her pupils and getting her vitals for her chart. She nodded. "You've been here three days. You had lost quite a bit of blood before the paramedics got you here, you went into cardiac arrest twice while in route and then once while in surgery."

"You operated?" she whispered.

"Hey, I said one question," he told her as he sat on the side of her bed as she dropped her head and then raised it again to look at him. "Yes, I did the surgery along with Dr. Early. Tommy has been staying with the Getraer's and from what I've learned from Station 51, Jon has been having a hard time and started drinking." She looked at Brackett with a shocked face and then dropped her head again and shook it. "Hey, this is not your fault," he told her as he hooked a finger under her chin to raise her head, getting her to look at him. Shawna could see the sympathy in Brackett's eyes and she knew he was right, she couldn't help what Jon was doing, but she was going to have to figure out a way to get him back on the straight and narrow or else she'd lose him.

"Kel, I thought I'd come up and see how things," Dr. Early stopped talking when he saw Shawna sitting up in the bed.

"Look who was awake when I walked into the room."

"Well, I'll be. How are you feeling Shawna?" Dr. Early asked as he walked over to the bed.

"OK," she whispered and Kel gave her a reprimanding look.

"I've told her not to talk for a few hours, give her throat time to heal a little bit," Kel told Joe.

"Ah. Well, I'm glad to see you're awake. Also, Kel, I wanted to let you know Sgt. Getraer and Lt. Bates are here. They're waiting outside."

"Do you feel like having visitors for a few minutes?" Brackett asked.

"Yes, please," she whispered. Brackett looked at her with a smile and shook his head.

"You're determined to talk no matter what I say aren't you?"

"Just whispering," she replied with a wink.

"Joe, go ahead and show them in." Joe walked back outside and Getraer and Bates walked into the room. Both men stopped when they saw Shawna sitting up in the bed.

"Well Hallelujah," Joe Getraer said as he walked over to the bed and kissed Shawna on the cheek.

"Gentlemen, I'll let you have ten minutes with Shawna and then I want her to rest. She's not supposed to talk but she is whispering. Behave yourself young lady," Brackett told her with a smile as he pointed his finger at her.

"Always," she said as she returned his smile.

"Yeh right," he said with a wink and then turned to leave.

"Tommy?" Shawna whispered as she took Joe's hand when he sat on the side of the bed.

"He's fine. Betty's kept him in school and helping him and the other kids with their homework. They all love having Charlie around the house and we noticed Charlie won't let a stranger near any of the kids."

"He's a great guard dog. Loves kids. Jon?" she asked. Joe looked back at Harold and then Harold spoke.

"We had to give Baker three days off. He started coming into work with a hangover and today he and Poncherello got into a fight before briefing."

"No," she whispered and lowered her head shaking it.

"Hey, this isn't your fault," Getraer told her as he squeezed her hand and tilted her head up to look at them.

"Then who's fault?" she asked with a hoarse voice. "I'm the one in the hospital, I've got a son scared he might not see his mother again and a man I care about has started drinking. If I wasn't in here none of this would be happening,"

"Shawna, you couldn't help it you were shot. According to the two paramedics who worked on you, you went into cardiac arrest twice on the way here and Dr. Brackett said you went into cardiac arrest while on the operating table. We all know the risks we take every day when we pin on this badge and put on this uniform and so do our families. I know Tommy is still young but he's handling this better than Jon is and that says a lot about his upbringing."

"Shawna, Joe's right," Harold interjected. "Baker shut everyone around him out the day they brought you into this hospital. We've all tried, and he just refuses to let anyone help him. Poncherello figured out what was happening, stepped in to stop any further damage, and they got into a fight at work. This isn't your fault,"

"Thanks for saying that. I'm still tired so do you mind if we cut this short?" she asked the two men who she considered her friends.

"Sure," Joe said as he stood to leave, "just remember one thing young lady, you had no control over what happened out there. We're all thankful you're still alive. I'll wait until in the morning to announce it at briefing and I'll go by Jon's tomorrow also to let him know you're awake."

"Thanks Joe. I appreciate everything you've done for Tommy while I've been in here."

"It was my pleasure. Now get some rest, I know he'll be by after school." Joe leaned down and kissed her on the cheek again and then Harold did the same thing before they left. Shawna began thinking about what they had told her about Jon's drinking and she just let the tears flow as she cried herself back to sleep, still exhausted from being unconscious for three days.

"Harold I'm worried about her. I know she took the news about Jon's behavior badly, but I don't think he should see her right now," Joe said as they walked toward the elevators.

"Sgt. Getraer, I have to agree with you about Jon not seeing her right now," Dr. Brackett said as he overheard the comment made about Shawna.

"Really?" Joe questioned Kel.

"She's still weak and tired. She's blaming herself for his actions and none of this was her fault. I want her to rest for the next couple of days. I'd prefer the two of you and Tommy be her only visitors for at least two days."

"I'll make sure to let everyone know in briefing tomorrow she's not to have any visitors until you've given us the OK," Joe replied knowing his officers wouldn't like it, but they would obey the order. It was almost 2pm when Johnny and Roy came into the ER on a supply run and saw Brackett and Dixie at the nurse's station. Johnny was the first to speak.

"Hey, doc. Dixie."

"Well, how are my two favorite hose jockeys?" Kel asked with a smile on his face.

"We're fine. Just here on a supply run," Johnny said as he handed Dixie the short list they made.

"Doc, how's Shawna Williams doing?" Roy asked as he grabbed a cup of coffee.

"She woke up on her own this morning. Come on up and you can say hello to her before Tommy gets here." Brackett told the two men.

"That's great. Dixie we'll be back," Roy said as they turned to leave. She just gave him a smile and a wink.

"I've told Lt. Bates and Sgt. Getraer I don't want her having visitors for a couple of days," he told the two men as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Well, we can come back when she can have visitors," Johnny replied with a concerned look on his face.

"I think she'd want to see the two of you," Brackett replied as he punched 4 on the display. Shawna awoke with a start and her pulse was racing, she looked around and realized she was in the hospital and tried to calm herself down, but she couldn't catch her breath. She knew she was hyperventilating and all she needed to do was relax. Brackett opened her door and when they walked in he noticed she was stressed.

"Can't breathe," she managed when they walked over to her bedside.

"Johnny, grab the oxygen mask. She must've been dreaming and woke up frantic." Johnny placed the mask over her mouth and nose.

"Now just take slow, deep breaths," he told her as Kel was checking her pulse and Roy was taking her BP.

"BP is 140 over 95," Roy told the doctor as he grabbed her chart.

"Her pulse is 120 and rapid," Kel told the men. They noticed she was slowly starting to breath a little easier. "Johnny, I think we can take the oxygen off now." Johnny removed the face mask and turned off the machine.

"Feeling better?" Johnny asked as he looked at Shawna with big brown eyes filled with worry.

"Yes, I am, thanks," she replied even though she felt foolish for the attention she was getting.

"Want to tell us what happened?" Brackett asked as he checked her pulse again.

"It's like you said, I was dreaming and woke up frantic. I just couldn't catch my breath. I tried to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. Then the three of you walked in and helped."

"Well, I'm glad it was us and not Tommy."

"Me too. Thanks for helping me again guys," she said with a warm smile to both Johnny and Roy.

"Glad we were here," Johnny said as he gave her his lopsided grin.

"We're glad to see you're awake, we've asked about you with every run," Roy told her as he took her BP once more. "BP is 130 over 85," he told Brackett.

"Dr. Brackett said I coded twice on you guys on the way here."

"You did and trust me, we were never more scared of losing a patient as we were with you," Johnny told her.

"Why me?"

"Because you're important to a lot of people. You have a son who needs you, a department that depends on you, and friends who care about you. You helped to end the rivalries between the police and fire departments in the city. Everyone respects each other a little more now thanks to you," Roy replied.

"You're all very sweet but I haven't done anything special that someone else would've done sometime in the near future," she said while concentrating on getting her breathing back under control.

"You're also very modest," Brackett told her. "I agree with these guys. I've seen some of the things you've done with the departments and the respect you're given." Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Tommy poked his head inside.

"Can we come in?" he asked.

"Sure, come on in," Brackett said. Tommy walked in and then stopped short of the bed seeing his mother sitting up and awake.

"Mommy!" he called out and took a running leap toward the bed when Kel caught him.

"Hold on there, Tiger. You can't jump onto your mom just yet. She's still sore and we don't want her stitches to break open."

"Yes sir," he replied as Kel sat him down on the side of the bed.

"We'll give you guys some time alone," Brackett told Shawna as he, Johnny and Roy turned to leave.

"Thanks guys."

"Shawna, I'll be outside when you guys are done. Take your time," Betty Getraer told her friend.

"Thank you, Betty." Shawna was looking at Tommy and he was afraid to make a move toward her. "Hey Tiger. How about a hug for your mom?"

"But Dr. Brackett said."

"I heard what the doctor said but I'm your mom," she told him as she interrupted his statement. "Now how about a hug." She held her arms out and he wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed tightly. He held onto her for almost five minutes when she felt her shoulder getting wet. "Hey sweetheart, it's going to be OK. I should be home in a few days and then you'll be back in your own room."

"Mom?"

"Yes."

"Jon's not doing so great," he started.

"So, I've heard. Listen, the doctor doesn't want Jon to know I'm awake yet. They want to give him time to try and get better before he sees me."

"OK. I won't say anything to him. I haven't seen him since you were brought in here."

"I can imagine it would be hard on him to see you and thinking you might be angry with him."

"I was angry at first. Then the two men who worked on you talked to me. They said you loved me, I should think good thoughts and not be mad at the officers because you got hurt."

"Well, they have a point. The officers couldn't help it I got hurt, it was my fault. Jon and Ponch were nowhere near the scene when the shooting started. I heard you've been staying at the Getraer's with Charlie. How's that going?"

"They're very nice. The other kids love having Charlie around, but he misses you like I do."

"I know sweetheart. I miss you guys too. Like I said, if everything goes alright, I should be home in a couple of days. Mrs. Getraer is a good cook, but her spaghetti isn't as good as yours."

"You didn't tell her that did you?"

"No. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She's a nice lady."

"That's my boy. I know you probably have homework and Betty needs to get home to start dinner, so why don't you go out into the hall and see if she's there."

"OK." He said as he jumped off the bed. He looked around when he stepped out of the room and saw Betty at the nurse's station talking with Dixie. "Excuse me, Mrs. Getraer!"

"Yes Tommy."

"Mom said we should probably be going. She said I have homework and you need to fix dinner."

"Well then, let's go talk to your mom. Dixie, would you like to join us?"

"Sure. I can stop in and say hello." They all walked back into Shawna's room to talk.

"Mom. Look who came with us!" Tommy announced as they all walked into the room.

"Hello Dixie," Shawna said as the three of them walked into the room and Tommy jumped back up on the bed next to his mom.

"Well, I'm so happy to see you're awake. I'm sure this fellow is too," the nurse said with a smile.

"I sure am," Tommy said with a big smile as he laid his head on Shawna's shoulder.

"Betty, I'm sure you need to be getting home to start dinner for your family," Shawna told her friend as she gave Tommy a gentle squeeze.

"Not really. Joe is grilling burgers and hot dogs. He said he'd stop at the store and get the stuff and he's also going to pick up the kids from Mrs. Jacobs next door. She offered to pick up the kids while I brought Tommy by here to see you."

"As much as I love seeing my guy, I know he has homework and I'm sure your kids do too. And I'd say Joe would like a hand making the hamburgers. Why don't you guys go on ahead. Tomorrow is Friday and you can swing back by after school with all the kids. Sound good Tiger?" Shawna asked looking down at Tommy.

"Sounds good mom. I love you!" He said as he gave her a big hug and kiss.

"I love you too sweetheart. Thanks for everything Betty. I really appreciate you looking after Tommy and Charlie."

"Are you kidding? It's been our pleasure. The kids have enjoyed having them at the house and Joe's even taken a liking to Charlie."

"Alright Tiger, time for you to be going. Love you." She said as she placed a kiss on his lips and forehead.

"Love you too mom. Sweet dreams." He jumped off the bed and held the door open for Betty.

"Bye Shawna. We'll see you tomorrow." She turned and walked out.

"Shawna are you OK?" Dixie asked as she sat on the side of the bed and took her hand.

"You know the only time I've never been there to say good night to that little boy has been when he was at summer camp or he's spent the night with friends. Even when I work second and third shift, I manage to stop by the apartment and say good night to him. In the seven years I've had him in my life I've always been there for him. Except for this week."

"Seven years? I thought Tommy was ten years old." Dixie replied.

"He is. I adopted Tommy when he was three. His parents were friends of mine and when they were killed in a car crash I took him into my home and into my heart."

"I can tell he absolutely loves you. Johnny and Roy had a talk with him the night you were brought into the ER. He was mad at the others and then he apologized for his actions. He's a pretty tough kid."

"Yes, he is tough."

"Well, they should be bringing your dinner up in about an hour or so. I'll let you rest."

"Thanks Dixie."

Little did the head nurse know was Shawna was planning on leaving the hospital after the nurse's made their nightly rounds. She was going to go home, change clothes and find out what Jon Baker was doing to himself. She had a feeling she might break two hearts tonight when she found him, but she was going to keep an open mind.


End file.
